Hello my name is

Heather and I snore. Loud. My poor, poor husband. I guess it's time to lose some weight, it's amazing the difference even 10 lbs. can make in my sleeping habits. I'm back at the gym finally, so hopefully that will help...quickly please.

Stylish Award

So...thanks to some lovely ladies, I have been nominated for the Stylish Blogger award.


So sweet and unexpected :) So now I need to tell you a few things about me. Hmm. Let me try and think of some that I have never shared.

I am the middle child of eight children. I have two brothers and five sisters. One of my sisters started out as a foster child and was later unofficially adopted and had her name changed. The remaining siblings are from the same Mom and Dad. Who were together for 44 years until April of last year. I have 17 nieces and nephews ranging in age from 24 to 2 months (twins!).

I was born and raised on Long Island and moved to Illinois when I was 16. After 16 years I moved again to Florida to be near my ailing grandparents. So I figured I've been here for 8 years, means I have 8 more before I have to go somewhere else. I pick Charleston...but we'll see. Hopefully the housing market will have turned so my frugal husband will consider selling our house by then.

I was an athlete growing up and an honor student. I played soccer from when I was in first grade and was on a traveling team that I loved. I played field hockey in high school and was the Captian my Sophomore year. I was a cheerleader in Junior High (when I was Captian) and the beginning of high school. When we moved to Illinois I was so mad at my parents that I refused to join any organized activities. So instead, I got lazy and gained 20 lbs. Yeah...really made my parents suffer, huh?

When I was a Junior in high school (my first year in Illinois) I had stayed home sick for two days. My girlfriend called me up and asked me to go out. I convinced my Mom that it was a good idea. We went to a friend's and had many, many screw drivers and played some pool. That is the last of the evening that I personally remember, the rest has been told to me. We left my friend's house and went out. First I convinced them to go to Taco Bell where I threatened the guy behind the counter to find me my boyfriend as I needed to talk to him. Then we ended up at a White Hen (the midwest version of a 7/11) where I met up with a newbie police officer. It was his first week out of the academy. I went up and knocked on his window to say hello. He realized I was intoxicated and under age. So he was going to take me in. On the drive to the police station I threw his tie out the window and was wearing his hat till I passed out. Fearing I might choke if I got sick he took me to the fire station for an ambulance ride to the hospital. I was admitted. I was fighthing them and had to be strapped down till my Mom arrived and made them let me go. I proceeded to punch the nurse in the face before passing out. I open my eyes in the morning and see nothing but white. Thought I was dead. Then I saw my Mom and knew I was dead!! But my Mom was so glad that I was alive, she took me shopping...apparently two kids ODed while I was there.

I was engaged to be married prior to my husband to an abusive man. I fled in the night.

I bought my first house on my own when I was 28.

I did Chow rescue for 2 years and then later did cat/kitten rescue for 1 year. I had to struggle to give them back every.single.time.

I have volunteered my whole life. From teaching Down Syndrome children to swim at the Y to counseling assistant for a women's battered shelter.

I hope I haven't bored you with this little glimpse into me...thanks for listening.

CD3

So I got AF on Saturday. Started spotting on Friday and prayed it was implantation bleeding, but alas...AF. So I called my RE's office this morning and am waiting to hear back about my protocol appointment. I start BCPs tonight. I have got to get in and have my HIV test done and bug Jimmy to get his done. Then it looks like about 6 weeks and we should be doing our ER/ET and then waiting. So in two months time we will know if it worked!! I am freaking out and so scared. Last chance keeps flying through my mind. I know it doesn't have to be...but I can't stop it from entering my brain. I have to have my thyroid checked again to make sure the new meds have me back in a good place. Kills me that my thyroid once again could have sabotaged my efforts and attempts. I hate to think that I am jumping the gun on the IVF. But at the same time I would hate to put it off and then have it be too late when I decide that the time has finally come. I think the time has to be now and I just have to stop second guessing myself about it all. I'm doing it and that is that. I say my prayers and hope for the best.

The Weekend

So...my little sister is visiting. She just had her twin sons in December, so she is here from Illinois so my Mom can help her. She also has a 2 1/2 year old, and he seems to be the most work :) So my older sister is coming up from West Palm to see her. So we are all getting together for a drink tonight after work. Of course since I got the release from my doctor finally to sign up at the health club (ironic much?) Jimmy is chomping at the bit to go work out together. So we are squeezing that in before going to meet them. I also work late again tonight...so I should be thoroughly exhausted by the time we get to the restaurant. But hopefully I can manage to keep my eyes open for a drink or two. It's always fun being with my sisters. And hopefully everyone is in a good mood and we can laugh some.

So, the plan is...

I wait for CD1. I call the RE's office nurse and she sets me up for our day long protocol appointment. Possibly do a mock transfer to run through it. Get our meds and find out a better idea of the schedule to come in the following weeks. So I'm looking at about 6 weeks till the ER/ET. That will be the beginning of March. So there it is. I have to get my HIV testing once we get the bloodwork paperwork. As well as my BCP script so I can begin them on CD3. Weird going back on BCPs, figured I was done with them foreveer. As it wouldn't really be necessary to take them after we stop trying as getting pregnant does not happen to be something I excel at :) But it's only for a short time and for a wonder cause. So I will do it, just this once...

Hmm...

I had not heard back from the nurses at my RE's office after three messages left. So I had decided on my own that I would just push back our appointment so that we didn't have to worry about going while I had my period. So I do this. Not 10 minutes later the nurse calls me back. Tells me that I don't actually need an appointment. That Jimmy and I both need to be HIV tested and they will call in BCP script for me and that I call them on Day 1 and start taking the pills on CD3. So I have another call into the nurse so I can understand the rest of the process. Does that mean that I will start meds this coming month and do the IVF in February. Or do I do the BCPs for a month and then start the shots and protocol next month? I have to get some more specifics from the chicky if I am not going to have a protocol appointment. What meds am I doing? That's a biggie. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for not having to drive to Orlando for a quick appointment but she caught me off guard and I didn't ask any of the right questions. So now I have my head on and I need to talk to her again and get some answers and idea of what is next, beyond the BCPs. It's happening pretty fast either way. This month or next. This month or next? This month or next!!

IVF

So we had the seminar last night. It was a long night with travel and them starting late. But we got through it. Had some moron who kept asking stupid questions just to hear himself speak. There is one in every crowd. After 2.5 years on the boards, there wasn't much for me to learn about this whole process. But it was good to have it all gone through. Jimmy got that glazed look on his face again. I think he retained some of it :) Called today for my pre-IVF protocol consult and they can't see us till the 27th. Which is (a) Jimmy's birthday and (b) right about when AF is supposed to show her ugly face. So I mentioned this to the receptionist and she said to leave a message for the nurse. I haven't heard back. Have to find out if AF comes before/at the time of the consult will that mean pushing back a month or how does that work. I am stressing it as Jimmy starts his new position at work on Monday so time off is not easy for him. He keeps telling me not to worry until I have to. To wait and see what they say and not to get ahead of myself. I don't even realize I am stressed...but when he points it out...so...now I breathe deep and wait to hear from the nurse.

Moving forward

Had dinner with my Poopsie last night and he handed me a big fat check. So financially, we are all set for this IVF. Tonight is the seminar. Then I assume my protocol appointment with my RE. I had pushed my primary to retest my thyroid and it came back high. So they have upped my dosage...and I pray it does not affect our IVF. It's all starting to happen. I am so excited and terrified all wrapped into one little burrito. Hopefully after tonight I'll have a better idea of our time table. And I want to talk to them about is our snow babies, should there be any. I am praying that I am not too old to donate them to someone. That would be the answer to my prayers and such a load off my heart. Don't know if we'll even have any, but I want to know they have a home if I do.

International

Thank You Day...so THANK YOU!! I so appreciate the comments and love that you have given me to my rants and ramblings. There are days...so thanks again. Much love and eternal gratitude.

Excited

So thanks to my ILs (that includes my BIL) we were able to get a new fridge this weekend. We had to replace our stove a few months back since I killed our old one. Melted it. Yes, that's possible, who knew? So Jimmy must have mentioned to his family that I wanted to get a new fridge to match the new stainless gas stove. So they have us gift cards and we made it happen this weekend. I am in love with it. It's pretty and bigger than my old one. Not to mention that we have water and ice on the door again, our old one had stopped doing that months ago. And to make me happy Jimmy surprised me while I was getting James' hair cut with buying and installing a new stove vent that is stainless as well. So our appliances all match in color and manufacturer. Woot woot. We have to paint our cabinets and put on new hardware and our kitchen is 100% done!! So freaking excited. We're going to start saving to do the wood floors on the other side of the house. Jimmy also sanded our front door so he can paint it blue this coming weekend. Just ran out of time this weekend. He got all the front trim done and the numbers painted and up. So we don't look like the ghetto house on the block anymore. Love it!!

Stupid cat...

So I come home yesterday and walk towards my bedroom. I keep picking up what I think is leaves all over the floor. I'm yelling to Jimmy, "Why are there leaves all over our house?". I guess he didn't hear me. And then I come upon the core of a rose bud. And I run to my tea cup where I keep my memory flowers. One from my grandmother's funeral and one from the roses that Jimmy sent me when we first started dating. And they are gone. The fucking cat tore them to shreds. Completely unrepairable and absolute garbage. I actually cried for a second. I was so disappointed. Irreplaceable. I could not even look at the cat for the rest of the day. I was so upset. I even moved them to a very high spot in my bedroom so that he would not be tempted to play with them. I know he isn't really to blame. But I am so angry at him anyway. ::sigh::

On another note. I went to my nuerologist yesterday. I do not have the antibody. So I can do the every four week IV at the hospital rather than the daily injections. That is a good thing. That was his first choice for me and I think after doing the injections for my medicated cycles that I am relieved I don't have to do that daily for the rest of my life. He also said that all my tests except for my thryoid (which I already knew about) came back with no immunity issues. That is a huge plus as I guess when you have one immunity issue (and I have two now) it is super common to start having more and more break down. I do have to contact my RE and check if I can take B12 supplements while I am TTC as I was very low on that. I was also low on Vitamin D, but he is rechecking that when I have my thryoid checked again for my pre-IVF test. He did say that my face plant into the sidewalk on Monday night was probably one of my first "symptoms" of my disease. Not a fan...but what can you do? I guess a face plant one a year isn't too bad compared to what I could have happening. So now we wait to see if my IVF is successful and either after pregnancy or after the IVF if unsuccessful we begin the IV meds. I'm terrified...but I've had to face alot of things that I've been pretty scared of in these last few months. They say what doesn't kill you just makes you stronger. Then why do I always feel so weak? I should feel indestructable!!

IVF Seminar

We are supposed to go to our IVF Seminar next Wednesday, the 12th. However we realized that every single family member of our's is going to be out of town. Hence, no babysitter for James. I have to call my RE and see if he can come with us. Not sure how that will work out and if they say no, does that mean another month? ::sigh::

2011

So...CD1 of 2011 = CD1 of Cycle 27...ah the irony. So we move forward. Have our IVF Seminar on the 12th. But I swear the universe is out to rub it in my face. I walk into church and my Mom has all the things that she wants to give me in a Baby gift bag. Really Mom? Then I get up to do my reading, which for the first time ever I didn't have in advance to practice, and it's all about women swollen with baby. Seriously? I had to fight to not cry while reading it in front of my whole church. I hate public emotion. Pisses me off!! Then Jimmy and I decide that we are going to get back into CSI: Miami. We watch the oldest On-Demand episode they have. It's about a pregnant woman who is injured. And one of the suspects is her best friend who has tried for 3 years to get pregnant with every possible means and is unsuccessful and jealous. Can you kick me again, pretty please? But I was a big girl. Hiked up my panties and watch the damn episode. I'm gearing up for my little sister's visit. And meeting her new twin sons. I can't wait to meet them...and I dread holding them in my arms at the same time. Will it ever be my turn?

Jimmy and I talked about adoption if our IVF cycle is not successful. I'm not sure how I feel about it. Am I setting myself up for another failure? They can take years and can be very heart breaking from what I've read. Not to mention another huge financial hit. Maybe I will take Jimmy up on his psuedo-joke and just adopt that French bulldog I have always wanted and call it a day. Maybe we will just foster children in need. Although Jimmy swears I would never be able to give them back after I've had them in my home and my heart. I just don't know where we go from here. Hold me...I'm so confused and sad.