Boo...

So, my new eye specialist put me on steriod eye drops. They seem to have affected my temps. So FF kept changing my fertile days and my O date. And of course when it finally nails down crosshairs for me, it's the worst possible scenario of all the options. So now my time and FF's timing are not so much in synch. So even though I am only in my two week wait, I feel as bummed out as if I already got AF. So now I have to wait for a month for my next O to even feel like I'm in the game. So frustrating! And at my age, they say to only wait 6 months instead of 1 year if you have not conceived, but are charting and such. But when you know about months like this should not be factored into the equation...what do you do with them. Just not count them?

I know that they say sperm can survive for as long as five days in your system (please little guys, be strong)...so I guess I have to just pray that Jimmy's are extremely long lived and hardy to thrive in this cycle!

And as promised...

My thoughts on adoption. I am so pro-adoption! Go adoption...yippee!! Sorry, got alittle excited there ::reins self in:: I just think it's an amazing gift for everyone involved. I believe it in it general, I know so many people on both sides that have had wonderful experiences and life changing stories involving adoption. And personally, I would adopt even if I don't have TTC problems. I know that my ever vigilant Jimmy will not allow it. He's so fiscally focused, that if we have a child or children of our own...add in James...and Jimmy will say that we won't be able to afford college for all of them, and if you can't put them through college, you should not have them! Or so says Jimmy. So scratch adoption if we don't have any problems.

It's funny. Jimmy and I seemed to discuss almost every area regarding children when we were dating. From already existing ones to what we want in the future in regards to having them. How many, and how soon and so forth. But we never discussed adoption. I guess both of us just assumed that we would have children and adoption would never be an issue.

Then there was a GP poll regarding adoption. So I started thinking about it. I knew my feelings (GO ADOPTION!) but I had no idea how Jimmy felt. I know that he loves children. I know that I love James as if I had given birth to him. And he knows that and cherishes that. So why would he not be okay with it for us, if need be? So I asked him that night. Threw it out there. I had a picture in my head of bringing home a little Lebanese child. Orphaned during the war. And of course my amazing Baby was right there with me!

Every so predictable, stating that IF and only IF we could not have one of our own, he thinks adopting a child is a wonderful idea!

Geminish...

So, like pretty much everything else in my life, from the littles; what color polish should I put on my toes or what dessert should I order...to the biggies; should I quit college when I found out I had cancer? or should I sign up for match.com...I have become very Geminish about TTC.

We have Personality A, we'll call her Ah huh! And then we have Personality B, we'll call her But?

So Ah huh! says...your 36 years old! You can use all the help you can get. As Mom says, your not getting any younger. And you are getting into the baby making game kind of late.

But? says do you really need to know this much about your body and your cycle? Do you really need to know that your days between AF and O can vary, but your Luteal Phase really shouldn't. Do I really need to know what my tempeture is first thing in the morning? BEFORE I'VE EVEN PEED. Nothing should really happen in the a.m. before I'm allowed to pee!

Ah huh! says charting and checking EWCM and temps can only assist you in having your timing down so that you are making the most of each month. Not to mention if/when we have to go to the doctor we will have charts and facts to advise them as to what has been going on.

But? says charting causes stress and they have proven that stress causes fertility problems. How many woman do we personally know that have gotten pregnant as soon as they adopted and stopped putting pressure/stress on themselves about conceiving? Ah, adoption...there is a subject that I feel zero Geminism about. But that's another subject ::makes mental note to make next blog about adoption:: Anyway...back to But? And who says that we need to involve a doctor so soon? I know we're 36 and we need to get moving...but?

Umm...

I remember sitting in my first health class. Some nurse came in for the day and stood in front of all the girls, the boys were in another room with another nurse. We're all sitting there, fresh faced...feet swinging in our chairs. She proceeds to tell us all kinds of "facts" about sex and pregnancy. You can get pregnant your first time. You can get pregnant the same month you start your period. All it takes in one time! Now I know that these facts are correct, all you have to do is pop in at any high school and some junior highs to see it.

So how come it's been four months of taking my temperature, charting and getting my "timing" spot on. My chart is always "pretty" (as my GP girls say) and yet...still not pregnant.

It's certainly not my first time. I got my period in sixth grade. And there has been more than one time in the equation!! I just don't get it. I know all the parts work...we're doing it right. So what is wrong? What more can we do? Sigh