Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Temp up...

So last night might have been the last night of our sexual Olympics. I'm so proud of Jimmy for so actively participating this time. Not leaving it all up to me. We had some really fun and crazy sex. I would have to say that our sex life is getting better and better. IF is not going to spoil that for us. I love him too much...and thank God we enjoy each other too much :) But man, I'm exhausted. Last night I told him to get in the room and make it happen. That I didn't have the energy for anything but a quicky. 30 minutes isn't what I would call quick...but we got the job done. My temp rose this morning. So we have done all we can do...let the 2ww begin!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Monday, May 17, 2010

Coming back into the light...

I've been struggling hard lately. First. In April, I had my second miscarriage. Jimmy and I decided not to tell anyone. I think for me, I could not handle all the "poor Heather" looks again. I felt like everyone knew the first time and it was so horrible. But then the following month. I get my period. The same day, my little sister calls and tells me she is pregnant with her second. And she is due almost the exact say day I would have been. That was a tough one. I slipped into a dark place for awhile there. And everyone thought I was just upset that I had not gotten pregnant that month. Ah, the irony. And while all this is going on. My Dad, after 44 years of marriage...leaves my Mom. Walks right out the door. I guess there has been an affair going on for a year now. I can't wrap my mind around it all. I feel some days like a hero died. I feel so bad for them both. I know I shouldn't feel bad for my Dad. He made these decisions. He put us all in this place. But he's my Dad and he's sad. And I hate seeing that regardless. My little brother told him he will never speak or see him again. Saturday was Mom's birthday and he stopped by and it was so painful to watch. I had to walk away. My life has changed and I just have no control over it. It's just plain horrible and I hate it.

But I had a lovely weekend with a perfect date night on Friday. Some special time with Jimmy on Saturday morning. Then got to spend the day with my Mom for her birthday. Jimmy and James joined us for dinner as well as some other family. We had the most delishious Chinese/sushi dinner. I am still enjoying it in my head :) Sunday James and I joined my Mom at church. Then I got to take a nap while the boys saw Iron Man 2. We headed to the library for bedtime reading material and finished up with some family time at home. It really renewed my spirit and started me back onto a better path. I'm walking in the light again. It's a beautiful view...

Friday, May 7, 2010

Dear God

Hi. Heather here. I know that you are aware that I have short LPs. And my temp went up again. So testing this morning was not unreasonable. CD11, right? The BFN sucked. Not doubt about that. But, does having my period show up late...so that she arrives right on Mother's Day seem necessary? Are the dramatics really required? My life is tragic enough right now. I don't think this was really called for, no disrespect intended. You know I love you. I know they say that you are only given what you can handle. But I think you have too much faith in me. I would really love to be able to at least take a little breathe. Pretty please and thank you? Just a quick one? I would really appreciate it. Hugs and kisses. Amen.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010