2010

So...this has been a rough year. A lot of medical and personal hits. But first I want to start with my blessings. I have Jimmy. He is my rock and my heart. He makes me laugh through my tears and feel more loved then I ever thought it was possible. I have James. He is a joy and I am truly blessed to giggle with him daily. I have the most wonderful family. They are my strength and I don't know how I would make it through without them. I have amazing friends. So many of them are you Lovelies that are reading this. If you don't know...you are so appreciated and mean the world to me. I am blessed to have found you and made you a part of my life and my journey. Jimmy and I both have jobs. Jimmy even got a promotion that will kick in after the new year. One more step closer to Heather staying at home or going back to school :) We have an amazing home that it my refuge so many days. We have our furries, who may drive me insane so many days but are also the light of many a day as well.

Now the realities of the year. We had our second miscarriage. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism (although Jimmy says that I am blessed it was diagnosed and we could get it taken care of). As well as being informed that I am one ding dong away from diabetes. Huge lifestyle change for me as a result. No sugar, no white carbs...but sadly no weight loss either. I was diagnosed with MS. Multiple Scorosis. Again my loving husband will say thank God it was diagnosed in such a bizarre way. As the result of an MRI I had done to check my neck plate after an auto accident. I was also referred to an amazing nuerologist. One of the best in his field for MS. So that truly was a blessing. And he is hopeful that the early diagnosis means that we might be able to keep it from developing into Stage 2. Fingers crossed. And luckily he feels that it was found early enough that I can continue my TTC journey (since it is almost at an end) before we start the meds. Which would not be condusive to pregnancy or the little one. We have not been successful with any of our treatments through the RE. However, we did get good results from all our tests. And the biggest blessing of them all. My grandfather giving us the money to try IVF. We will only have one shot. But it's a shot. We go for our seminar on IVF on the 12th. Then move forward with the process. I so wish it wasn't necessary to need that money, but I am so truly awed by his generosity. I don't think I can ever thank him enough for it!! And the saddest aspect of my year. The seperation and pending divorce of my parents. After 44 years of marriage my father walked away from my mother. For another woman. It's been a rough road. Two of my siblings have already turned thier backs on him. If he moves forward with marrying this person as the rumor has it, I too will be limiting my relationship with him as well. I can't get behind the cheating and lying (to my Mom and me..."we're just friends"). I told him from day one that he would always be my Dad, but that she would never be in my life. So if he does in fact marry her, it will be very tricky to continue to see him. I will talk to him when he calls. I will never cut him out of my life completely. But I will NEVER open my life to her. Just can't do it. Judge if you must...but it's the reality. So that has been a difficult decision. It's so scary to think of losing my Dad. But I can't support adultry. I had hoped that he was being honest and they were just friends. That he and my Mom would meet people after they had ended thier relationship. After they treated each other with the respect they deserve. That they would find happiness. But...alas...

So...that's the year in a nut shell. The good, the bad and the ugly. I hope that 2011 brings each and every one of you nothing but sheer joy and truimph. Mwah...kisses to you all!!

Presents

So Santa/Jimmy was very generous to me :) I got beautiful garnet butterfly earrings. A lovely page boy hat that I adore. And a frame for James' first four years of school pictures. I have to get the next set of four for next year...but it looks so cute all lined up...seeing how much he's changed and grown. I love it. Just have to decide where to hang it so that I can add the others as the years pass. Jimmy was thrilled with this presents from me/Santa. A pair of sketchers and his Dremmel set he has been coveting. And of coure James was spoiled as usual at all the houses and got more than he can handle. But I have to say that his electric scooter that he got from us is by far his fave. I don't think he would get off it if we didn't make him. I got home on Friday from work and Jimmy had put it together so that James wouldn't have to wait on Christmas morning. And I asked to try it. Jimmy yelled at me to take off my heels and put on crocs. I didn't think it was necessary, but obliged. It really takes off. Scared the crap out of me and I had every video of a Mom hitting the car in the street run through my head. But I did good. James, however...got on and was a pro. Turning and riding like he was born on it.

Christmas at Mom's was a different experience this year. No Dad and Mom not doing gifts or stockings. But as many of us as are local got together and brought tons of food and it was all delish. Then we played Bunco and had a ton of laughs. I felt horrible that Jimmy got his brother's head cold and was very sick on Christmas day. But he was a trooper. And it was wonderful being with family on both days. That's the best present any girl could ask for :)

Merry Christmas All...

Just wanted to wish you all a Merry Christmas. I hope it finds you surrounded by the people that you love and more joy then you can handle :)

Village picture

So...here it is in all it's glory :)

Gingerbread Village

So James and I do a Gingerbread something every year. A house, a tree, etc. He picked an entire village this year. Which for an 8 year old is too much to keep focused on. So to say that our villate look like crack row...would be an understatement. I let him do the decorating 100%. But to also say that he loved it (does every year :) would also be an understatement. So I guess it was a success. We had fun and it's complete and I will have to take pics and post them so you can all chuckle at our skills...or lack thier of. It's the journey right?

Tattoos

So...I got my tattoo addition on Saturday. The guy that did Jimmy's last re-work did my addition. He is amazing and a true artist. You give him the general idea...and he goes from there. He made the wings look a little too much like fire for my preference, although Jimmy loves it as is. I think I might have him add a little more color to them to make it more the "rainbow" I had in mind. And at the request of Jenny...I am including most of my other tattoos as well in the photos. I did not put my first one in there as it's in a more personal spot that only Jimmy sees. But it's an old school dove. Once I've have my pregnancy(ies) I will be covering it with two kois to represent Jimmy and I anyway. So for your enjoyment...

The cross that is also in the picture was done years ago with several of the women in my family in honor of my Mother surviving cancer even though she was given only a 5% chance. We all got the same image but on different spots. I have always hated it being a floater. So now my fairy completes it.

The butterfly was done with my little sister a million years ago while on Spring Break in Florida (before I lived down here). We decided to get a tattoo on our last day. You can see the hint of my sun/son tattoo on the side of my foot.

This tattoo was drawn (this is only a piece of the original drawing) by a friend the night before he died. It took me many years to be ready to do it. It originally was designed as an ankle "bracelet", but I changed to my wrist when I was finally ready. The day I got this done my Dad got his first (but certianly not his last) tattoo done at the same time.

This one was done so that James would always know...that even though I did not give birth to him, he would always be my first son. That is his actual signature :) I didn't ever want him to think that since our next child would be born to me that I love him any less then them.

Coming events...

So after I pick up James I am dragging him with me to get a pedi and possibly a mani. Was going to just do my toes, but then several of my nails chipped today. So I'm thinking it might be a sign...tee hee. Yes? No? We'll see. Tomorrow night is Jimmy's work Christmas party. They are having it at a hotel on the beach. Drinks, dinner and dancing. Then they got us a room so we can drink and not drive. I love staying in hotels. So I'm psyched about that :) Saturday we will have to get up and fly home. Take care of the dogs, eat something and then haul ass. I have an appointment to finally get my tattoo. I am adding a serene fairy to my cross that I got with all the ladies in my family to commemorate my Mom's cancer survival. Right now it is a floater on my shoulder. So I am going to ground it in a field of heather. With the thinking fairy sitting next to it and huge very colorful wings that will come up to and onto my upper arm. I am nervous and excited at the same time. I was supposed to do this with two of my sisters. But one backed out as she can not figure out what she wants to get. Then the other backed out due to funds (Christmas and a trip to the Bahamas will do that). But since I plan on being pregnant next month when she plans to do her's, I am going ahead and doing mine now. Otherwise I would have to wait 10 more months and I would rather not have to do that. So here we go!! I hope it comes out the way I am envisioning it. Fingers crossed. I'm going to the guy that did Jimmy's last tat and it is amazing. So I hope mine is just as beautiful. Then tats are on hold for awhile. I plan to get two koi to represent Jimmy and I to cover my hip tattoo after I am done with pregnancy(s). And once there is a child(ren), I will get there name on my like I have James'. And I think that will be enough ink on this body. So technically since the koi will cover my doves, it's not really a new tat, but a change to a current one :) And so the child(ren) name(s) will be the only addition down the line. I'm hoping I can handle 2 hours of pain. That's how long this is supposed to last. My foot was just short of an hour. But it was in a horribly painful location. When I got the cross done years ago it did not really hurt at all. So I am praying that the addition will be the same and I can handle it with no issues. But one way or another on Sunday I will have another tattoo. Yeah...

Update

I went for my first monitoring appointment for this cycle yesterday. All looked good. No cysts. Six good size follicles with three smaller ones on my left side and three good size and three smaller on my right. I do have some fibroids, one that is close to my uterine lining. Which is why my last period was so heavy. But she said it was nothing to be concerned about. So I started my second round of Femara last night. I called to set up my CD10 u/s for next Tuesday. The tech I had yesterday and the other girl my sister knows from her days at the imaging facility were both booked. They told me that Amy, the chick I had for my first CD10 u/s was available. Pam, my u/s tech from yesterday told me that if she was not available to tell them to talk to her and she would make herself available. So I did. I did not want Amy. She hurt and I found out that she used vaseline on the wand, which can be detrimental to TTC. And I don't need any more complications added to my attempts. So they called back a 1/2 hour later and told me that Pam would see me at 10:15 on Tuesday. To quote my sister, "See...it's not always bad to know me". Have to agree with her on this one :)

Well...

the bitch showed up. So I called my RE's office and am waiting to hear back. Everyone in my life is sugguesting I try another medicated/trigger shot month before putting my body through the rigors of IVF. So I am waiting to hear if my doctor is behind this plan as well and then go forward from there.

My little sister had her twin sons (yes...the same day I got AF...the same sister who announced her pregnancy the same time I lost my second pregnancy). They were born 6 weeks early, but are doing really well. Breathing on thier own. Waiting to see if they will eat and then if so...they will head home. They are adorable. So tiny (4.5ish lbs. each). The one looks exactly like thier big brother. It will be interesting to see if the other guy looks like them or not. Mom headed up there to help her out. If she is doing well after the new year, they are all going to come down here to see everyone and so Mom can continue to help her out. Her older son is only 2...so she's going to have her hands full.

We bought out Christmas tree yesterday. Got an 8 foot beauty. I can't wait to decorate it and get the house feeling more like Christmas. Jimmy put our new outside lights up and they look perfect. We have to get the rest of the house painted, but it's coming along. Will the work ever be done? I think not :) But that's okay...it keeps Jimmy busy...I just wish it didn't cost so damn much. It kills me every time he mentions his next "project". But I cringe and then work it out. James started his first weekend of chores. Did them like a trooper...hope the positive attitude continues.

Anniversary

So...Jimmy and I went to Tampa to celebrate our anniversary. It was perfect. We got to the zoo and had a grand old time walking around laughing at the animals. I had wanted to do the camel ride. Bought our tokens and got on line. Unfortunately it was like a kiddie pony ride. So we pocketed the coins for James and decided against that :) Got to the hotel and checked in. I had put in my reservation notes that it was our anniversary. So they upgraded us to a suite. A corner room with a view of the river. It was lovely. There was a wedding at the hotel and they were having cocktail hour below us. So Jimmy and I sat outside and enjoyed a wonderful singer. I'm sure he cost a pretty penny. Then headed out to dinner and a walk around downtown. We were going to try Thai...which we did for our appetizer. But both of us ended up having sushi. Mine was one of my favorites ever. Jimmy's was spicy for me. My mouth was on FIRE!! Went back to the hotel and just spent some time together. Got up on Sunday and headed down to the hotel resturant for some breakfast. Then headed home to claim James. I was so exhausted for some reason that I fell asleep in the car on the way home. I never do that. I would not change one single second of the weekend. It was perfection. I love you Baby...happy anniversary!!