Progesterone

bloodwork drawn this morning. Waiting to hear the results from my RE's office. She said I would be lucky if they had an answer by tomorrow. Next step will be a HPT. Or that bitch showing up!!

It's official

I have MS. I was diagnosed on Wednesday, November 24th. The day before Thanksgiving. So far I am feeling very calm about it. No panic, no freak out. Just acceptance. Other feelings may come later. I think the fact that it is not going to push our TTC back again. And that he told me that we will wait on treatment till we try IVF and finish the pregnancy after to start treatment. That he feels that it started 10 years ago with my double vision. 10 years. I guess it doesn't seem too scary knowing that I have already been living with it. I don't know. My little sister said that I was freaking her out with my calmness. My Mom called Jimmy to make sure I wasn't putting on a good front for her. I called my siblings and let them know. I told my Mom and my grandfather (who only cared that it was not going to affect us having a baby...got to love him :). I have not as yet told my Dad. I figured when I spoke to him on Thanksgiving I would tell him. But since he sent me a generic, mass text message. Not so much. So I have to do that in the future. I haven't told my work or my ILs. I just don't know how to say it to other people. It's strange. I'm sure it will come to me when the time is right.

Right now I am just exhausted from four days of eating carbs like they were being banned. I haven't been eating them at all, so this little binge of mine really hit me. I need to get back to being a good girl. Ugh...not good Heather. Jimmy and I went to Tampa and had a lovely weekend for our anniversary. It was perfect and I wouldn't change a thing. Thanksgiving was a wonderful day with family and food. Could not ask for anything more. Tomorrow I go for my progesterone blood work and then see where things are at from there. Moving right along!!

Happy, Happy

Thanksgiving ALL!!

Trying to remain calm

I have my nuerologist appointment tomorrow. The one with the MS guru. They just called to confirm my appointment. I am trying not to freak out. Trying to remind myself that if I do in fact have MS, I already have it. Freaking out isn't going to change it. The effects it will have on my body right now are things I am already dealing with. And maybe this will mean a plan. A plan to diminish them somewhat. A plan to prevent them from worsening. Maybe this amazing doctor will tell me that I don't have MS. Who knows? It's a mystery right now and I just need to be open to whatever it is he is going to tell me. I will have my amazing husband by my side. To hold my hand, hug me and see the bright side of whatever is coming my way.

Then it's Thanksgiving. I'm off Friday. Jimmy works. So I'll putz around and clean the house since we have Bart coming to hang out with the beasts. Yes, Jimmy and I are going out of town for the weekend. Celebrating the first stupendous year of our marriage. I can't believe it's been a year and then I can't believe it's only been a year. Granted we've been together a lot longer than that...but still. Crazy. Right now I'm debating whether to bring out cake topper with us or to have it when we return. Change my mind daily, it's the Gemini in me. I guess we'll see what my feelings are the day we head out. Could go either way!!

HSG

So I am finished with my HSG. It sucked donkey dick. But it's past. I have a titled uterus. Scarring on my cervix from my laser surgery in 1991 for cancerous cysts. But my tubes are clear and I am "normal". Never thought I would love being called that word, but damn it's a beautiful thing. Jimmy dropped off his SA this morning. Said it was super embarrassing as they kept yelling, is that the specimen? He wanted to die. Poor thing. Said the quantity was on the low side, so we'll see what they have to say. I got the results of my first series of bloodwork. My egg reserve shows that I do in fact still have eggs. Not many, due to age, but some :) All I can ask for at this point. My blood is clotting as it should. My progesterine was not as high as they would like it, so I see progesterine suppositories in my future. But what can you do? They are supposed to call me with the results of last Friday's bloodwork and Jimmy's SA by tomorrow at the latest. I thought it would take a lot longer, but am thrilled to hear answers as soon as possible. So far there is nothing stopping us from moving forward with the IVF after this cycle. I believe there is a BCP month before we do the actual ER and such. So maybe January? Pop went into his financial advisor and signed the papers to get the money. I can't believe that this is all moving so fast now. I'm terrified and so freaking excited. I have wanted to be pregnant for as long as I can remember. And that it might actually finally happen is so amazing. Jimmy put his hand on my stomach last night and said, "We might be there soon Babe." Really hit me. I think I had started to think that it might not be. That I might never get to experience those feelings. But now...I have hope again. Never thought it would cost me this much to bring this dream to fruition. But it might happen. IT MIGHT REALLY HAPPEN!!

Crazy weeks...

So I work all week. And pick up James as usual. But this week and next week as well are going to be a little nutty. I'm like the 80 year who's life is all wrapped around doctor's appointments. Tonight I have physical therapy. Tomorrow I have my HSG ::bites nails::. Wednesday is physical therapy as well as Thursday. Friday I have my ultra sound. Which will hopefully lead to my trigger shot...fingers crossed. Right now to quote my husband, I am a pharmacists wet dream. I am on my normal meds (Valtrex that I will take forever for an eye infection and my hypothryoidism synthetic meds) and I am also taking Femara and an antibiotic for the HSG. I have such a time table of keeping track of morning vs. night meds. As well as trying to track down my injectable since the original pharmacy does not contract with my insurance. I talked to a very nice woman and am just waiting to hear back. Hope it gets here in time. Then next week I'm not sure what days my physical therapy will be on. But I have a dentist appointment on Tuesday. Wednesday I have my scary meet and greet with my nuerologist, the MS guru. I'm terrified of that one. Could change the whole course of my life in a few moments. That night I have my pre-Thanksgiving cook off at my Mom's. Not many of us this year. Thursday is Thanksgiving. Doing my Mom's early. More like lunch with us and my one sister's family. Then dinner at my ILs. We just have my SIL and us. And since the boys are not coming (SIL and her fiance split and BIL is with his new bride's family) we aren't even having turkey. We're having lamb chops at my FIL's request. It will actually be nice to not have turkey for two meals. Friday I get a day of rest. Then Saturday Jimmy and I are driving to Tampa for our anniversary. Staying over Saturday night and driving back on Sunday. Probably going to the zoo or aquarium on Saturday. Out to dinner that night. Staying at a nice downtown hotel. Breakfast on Sunday morning with a little walking around. Then back home to claim James. It's going to be insane...but hopefully that will be a nice "reward" for all the bullshit of these two weeks. Somewhere in there is the perfectly timed sex. And this week on Wednesday I have to nag Jimmy into dropping off his SA at the hospital. Fun times :)

Primping

So I realized this morning that whenever I have any appointment for IF, be it the RE or bloodwork or a procedure. I find myself primping more than usual. I get a little more dressed up. Wear a dress, heels, the whole 9 yards. It's not that I'm trying to impress or attract anyone in the offices I am visiting. I think that this all makes me feel like less of a woman, so by gussying up...I am compensating. Silly, yes. But true. And it's funny. I have met so many amazing women during this journey. And never once have I had these thoughts about them. But when it comes to me...I feel "less" for not being able to do what other women do all the time. I think part of it stems from having a very fertile family. My mother had 7 children. My sisters have had children everytime they wanted. Even my SILs have been successful as soon as they decided they wanted to. So why not me? ::sigh:: Just the way it goes I guess. So I donned my pretty dress. Put on my highest heels. Double checked my make up and hair and set out to get my blood drawn this morning. I'm a freak, yes..but I look damn good...tee hee.

The Plan

So I start Femara tomorrow. Take it through Tuesday. Tuesday I go for my HSG test. Friday I go for an ultra sound. At some point I will do a trigger shot. To try for perfectly timed sex. If this program does not work...our only option will be IVF. So we are working on the financing for that hugely expensive and completely OOP situation. Wish us luck!!