Back?

So...I changed the name of my blog.  A Womb Thought seems kind of irrelevent now that I will not be focusing on getting pregnant and instead on my life with two crazy kids and one wonderful but nutty husband.  Not to mention my new and terrifying exploration into MS and what it's going to mean for me and my family.

I am hoping that this is the beginning of me being back.  Me finding my voice again.  I have been so focused on Asher and James and keeping up with my new role as SAHM(and W) that I haven't really focused on me much.  Other than my lovely medical visits...I haven't had much me time in the last 14 months.  I'm not complaining...not by any stretch.  I am loving it (almost always :) and would not trade it for anything.  I love hanging with my little man all day.  Even if I have to care for another little boy to help out financially and that limits my activities with Asher (and James when he's not in school).  It's everything I always hoped it would be to be a Mom and wife.

Let's see.  Life has changed quite a bit since my last entry.  Jimmy's office closed their doors and so he transferred to a different office and we moved.  Went into a hellish townhouse rental for 4 months while we house hunted and waiting on the closing.  It was horrible.  I wasn't sure we were going to survive it.  But we did.  Moved into our amazing house.  It has so much space after the townhouse.  It's tri-level and since we have it baby proofed, Asher can stretch out his new running legs and explore our first floor (and select rooms on the second floor when necessary) without issue.  He is his old happy baby self again.  James is no longer hibranating in his room with video games.  We get to see his beautiful face in the evening for alittle chatting and/or t.v.  Maybe a board game or two <3 24="" a="" actually="" all="" always="" am="" amazing.="" and="" area="" back.="" being="" children="" comes="" for="" from="" has="" he="" here="" his="" home="" i="" in="" insane.="" is="" it.="" it="" jimmy="" living="" love="" making="" me.="" me="" nbsp="" new="" our="" p="" perfect.="" place="" reality="" s="" says="" thank="" that="" the="" wanted="" was="" what="" when="" wife="" with="" wonderful="" work="">
And now that things are slowing down on the moving front, I need to start doing some more indepth fact gathing on this whole MS thing.  With it coming right in the midsts of my TTTC it has really gotten pushed to the back burner.  And that is not smart and no longer possible.  My nuero felt it was okay to not start meds till I was done with my pregnancy and breast feeding.  Well the breast feeding didn't happen, but the meds we decided on are still trying to be released in the U.S.  They have been around and utlized in Europe for years, but are waiting on FDA approval.  So I go back in May (again!) for another attemp at starting them.  I also talked to Jimmy about going to a MS for Dummies seminar that my nuero runs.  Find out exactly what this disease is all about.  I know that it's something that is a completely different experience for every patient.  That no two diagnosis will ever be the same.  But some rough idea of what we can expect and such might be smart.

I've been lucky (if you can say I've been diagnosed with MS and I've been lucky in the same statement :) in that when you normally go through your toughest part of MS, being diagnosed and founding out you have this horrible disease that is reeking havoc on your body.  It didn't go like that for me.  In my mid-20s I woke up one morning and had double vision.  Went to the hospital and saw several nueros.  Had all kinds of MRIs and CAT scans and met with an optical nuerologist.  No one could figure out what was going on.  A stroke was mentioned.  A palsy.  But a definative answer...no.  After about 30 days I got my vision back.  A few years back I spiked a high fever and then was having trouble with my vision.  Went to a doctor and was diagnosed with pink eye.  Took meds and it got worse.  Was diagnosed with another eye infection and meds were changed.  Continued to get worse.  It got so bad that it permanently scarred my cornea.  Never got a diagnosis.  Just treated the scarring and got rid of the infection.

It's scarey to think that so far two of my biggest flare ups for MS have been visionary based.  I really hope that I'm not going to lose my sight in the future.  I would hate that!!  Ugh.  Can't anticipate the worst I guess.  Need to focus on the positive and the here and now.

Anyway.  My point is that even though I had flare ups and issues from the disease, I never knew I had it.  I was misdiagnosed or not diagnosed any time I had my major flare ups.  I was also raised my a woman who did not believe in doctors.  So we didn't go unless something was falling off.  So I thougth everyone had numbness and tingling and stomach pains and draggy leg.  I thought they were normal things.  What did I know?  So when I found out I had MS, I had already been living with it for 18 or so years.  So it was easy to push it aside and focus on the more important fertiltiy issues we were having at the time.  I wasn't even having a flare up when I was diagnosed.  I found out on a fluke following a car accident and having my neck/back fusion checked.

And I guess my point is that I need to focus on it more now so that I can continue to say that I have MS and I'm lucky together in the same sentence.  Of course this focus has to fall during nap time because that's the only time I'm not Mama or Honey...doing my job.