Moving forward

Had dinner with my Poopsie last night and he handed me a big fat check. So financially, we are all set for this IVF. Tonight is the seminar. Then I assume my protocol appointment with my RE. I had pushed my primary to retest my thyroid and it came back high. So they have upped my dosage...and I pray it does not affect our IVF. It's all starting to happen. I am so excited and terrified all wrapped into one little burrito. Hopefully after tonight I'll have a better idea of our time table. And I want to talk to them about is our snow babies, should there be any. I am praying that I am not too old to donate them to someone. That would be the answer to my prayers and such a load off my heart. Don't know if we'll even have any, but I want to know they have a home if I do.

International

Thank You Day...so THANK YOU!! I so appreciate the comments and love that you have given me to my rants and ramblings. There are days...so thanks again. Much love and eternal gratitude.

Excited

So thanks to my ILs (that includes my BIL) we were able to get a new fridge this weekend. We had to replace our stove a few months back since I killed our old one. Melted it. Yes, that's possible, who knew? So Jimmy must have mentioned to his family that I wanted to get a new fridge to match the new stainless gas stove. So they have us gift cards and we made it happen this weekend. I am in love with it. It's pretty and bigger than my old one. Not to mention that we have water and ice on the door again, our old one had stopped doing that months ago. And to make me happy Jimmy surprised me while I was getting James' hair cut with buying and installing a new stove vent that is stainless as well. So our appliances all match in color and manufacturer. Woot woot. We have to paint our cabinets and put on new hardware and our kitchen is 100% done!! So freaking excited. We're going to start saving to do the wood floors on the other side of the house. Jimmy also sanded our front door so he can paint it blue this coming weekend. Just ran out of time this weekend. He got all the front trim done and the numbers painted and up. So we don't look like the ghetto house on the block anymore. Love it!!

Stupid cat...

So I come home yesterday and walk towards my bedroom. I keep picking up what I think is leaves all over the floor. I'm yelling to Jimmy, "Why are there leaves all over our house?". I guess he didn't hear me. And then I come upon the core of a rose bud. And I run to my tea cup where I keep my memory flowers. One from my grandmother's funeral and one from the roses that Jimmy sent me when we first started dating. And they are gone. The fucking cat tore them to shreds. Completely unrepairable and absolute garbage. I actually cried for a second. I was so disappointed. Irreplaceable. I could not even look at the cat for the rest of the day. I was so upset. I even moved them to a very high spot in my bedroom so that he would not be tempted to play with them. I know he isn't really to blame. But I am so angry at him anyway. ::sigh::

On another note. I went to my nuerologist yesterday. I do not have the antibody. So I can do the every four week IV at the hospital rather than the daily injections. That is a good thing. That was his first choice for me and I think after doing the injections for my medicated cycles that I am relieved I don't have to do that daily for the rest of my life. He also said that all my tests except for my thryoid (which I already knew about) came back with no immunity issues. That is a huge plus as I guess when you have one immunity issue (and I have two now) it is super common to start having more and more break down. I do have to contact my RE and check if I can take B12 supplements while I am TTC as I was very low on that. I was also low on Vitamin D, but he is rechecking that when I have my thryoid checked again for my pre-IVF test. He did say that my face plant into the sidewalk on Monday night was probably one of my first "symptoms" of my disease. Not a fan...but what can you do? I guess a face plant one a year isn't too bad compared to what I could have happening. So now we wait to see if my IVF is successful and either after pregnancy or after the IVF if unsuccessful we begin the IV meds. I'm terrified...but I've had to face alot of things that I've been pretty scared of in these last few months. They say what doesn't kill you just makes you stronger. Then why do I always feel so weak? I should feel indestructable!!

IVF Seminar

We are supposed to go to our IVF Seminar next Wednesday, the 12th. However we realized that every single family member of our's is going to be out of town. Hence, no babysitter for James. I have to call my RE and see if he can come with us. Not sure how that will work out and if they say no, does that mean another month? ::sigh::

2011

So...CD1 of 2011 = CD1 of Cycle 27...ah the irony. So we move forward. Have our IVF Seminar on the 12th. But I swear the universe is out to rub it in my face. I walk into church and my Mom has all the things that she wants to give me in a Baby gift bag. Really Mom? Then I get up to do my reading, which for the first time ever I didn't have in advance to practice, and it's all about women swollen with baby. Seriously? I had to fight to not cry while reading it in front of my whole church. I hate public emotion. Pisses me off!! Then Jimmy and I decide that we are going to get back into CSI: Miami. We watch the oldest On-Demand episode they have. It's about a pregnant woman who is injured. And one of the suspects is her best friend who has tried for 3 years to get pregnant with every possible means and is unsuccessful and jealous. Can you kick me again, pretty please? But I was a big girl. Hiked up my panties and watch the damn episode. I'm gearing up for my little sister's visit. And meeting her new twin sons. I can't wait to meet them...and I dread holding them in my arms at the same time. Will it ever be my turn?

Jimmy and I talked about adoption if our IVF cycle is not successful. I'm not sure how I feel about it. Am I setting myself up for another failure? They can take years and can be very heart breaking from what I've read. Not to mention another huge financial hit. Maybe I will take Jimmy up on his psuedo-joke and just adopt that French bulldog I have always wanted and call it a day. Maybe we will just foster children in need. Although Jimmy swears I would never be able to give them back after I've had them in my home and my heart. I just don't know where we go from here. Hold me...I'm so confused and sad.

2010

So...this has been a rough year. A lot of medical and personal hits. But first I want to start with my blessings. I have Jimmy. He is my rock and my heart. He makes me laugh through my tears and feel more loved then I ever thought it was possible. I have James. He is a joy and I am truly blessed to giggle with him daily. I have the most wonderful family. They are my strength and I don't know how I would make it through without them. I have amazing friends. So many of them are you Lovelies that are reading this. If you don't know...you are so appreciated and mean the world to me. I am blessed to have found you and made you a part of my life and my journey. Jimmy and I both have jobs. Jimmy even got a promotion that will kick in after the new year. One more step closer to Heather staying at home or going back to school :) We have an amazing home that it my refuge so many days. We have our furries, who may drive me insane so many days but are also the light of many a day as well.

Now the realities of the year. We had our second miscarriage. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism (although Jimmy says that I am blessed it was diagnosed and we could get it taken care of). As well as being informed that I am one ding dong away from diabetes. Huge lifestyle change for me as a result. No sugar, no white carbs...but sadly no weight loss either. I was diagnosed with MS. Multiple Scorosis. Again my loving husband will say thank God it was diagnosed in such a bizarre way. As the result of an MRI I had done to check my neck plate after an auto accident. I was also referred to an amazing nuerologist. One of the best in his field for MS. So that truly was a blessing. And he is hopeful that the early diagnosis means that we might be able to keep it from developing into Stage 2. Fingers crossed. And luckily he feels that it was found early enough that I can continue my TTC journey (since it is almost at an end) before we start the meds. Which would not be condusive to pregnancy or the little one. We have not been successful with any of our treatments through the RE. However, we did get good results from all our tests. And the biggest blessing of them all. My grandfather giving us the money to try IVF. We will only have one shot. But it's a shot. We go for our seminar on IVF on the 12th. Then move forward with the process. I so wish it wasn't necessary to need that money, but I am so truly awed by his generosity. I don't think I can ever thank him enough for it!! And the saddest aspect of my year. The seperation and pending divorce of my parents. After 44 years of marriage my father walked away from my mother. For another woman. It's been a rough road. Two of my siblings have already turned thier backs on him. If he moves forward with marrying this person as the rumor has it, I too will be limiting my relationship with him as well. I can't get behind the cheating and lying (to my Mom and me..."we're just friends"). I told him from day one that he would always be my Dad, but that she would never be in my life. So if he does in fact marry her, it will be very tricky to continue to see him. I will talk to him when he calls. I will never cut him out of my life completely. But I will NEVER open my life to her. Just can't do it. Judge if you must...but it's the reality. So that has been a difficult decision. It's so scary to think of losing my Dad. But I can't support adultry. I had hoped that he was being honest and they were just friends. That he and my Mom would meet people after they had ended thier relationship. After they treated each other with the respect they deserve. That they would find happiness. But...alas...

So...that's the year in a nut shell. The good, the bad and the ugly. I hope that 2011 brings each and every one of you nothing but sheer joy and truimph. Mwah...kisses to you all!!

Presents

So Santa/Jimmy was very generous to me :) I got beautiful garnet butterfly earrings. A lovely page boy hat that I adore. And a frame for James' first four years of school pictures. I have to get the next set of four for next year...but it looks so cute all lined up...seeing how much he's changed and grown. I love it. Just have to decide where to hang it so that I can add the others as the years pass. Jimmy was thrilled with this presents from me/Santa. A pair of sketchers and his Dremmel set he has been coveting. And of coure James was spoiled as usual at all the houses and got more than he can handle. But I have to say that his electric scooter that he got from us is by far his fave. I don't think he would get off it if we didn't make him. I got home on Friday from work and Jimmy had put it together so that James wouldn't have to wait on Christmas morning. And I asked to try it. Jimmy yelled at me to take off my heels and put on crocs. I didn't think it was necessary, but obliged. It really takes off. Scared the crap out of me and I had every video of a Mom hitting the car in the street run through my head. But I did good. James, however...got on and was a pro. Turning and riding like he was born on it.

Christmas at Mom's was a different experience this year. No Dad and Mom not doing gifts or stockings. But as many of us as are local got together and brought tons of food and it was all delish. Then we played Bunco and had a ton of laughs. I felt horrible that Jimmy got his brother's head cold and was very sick on Christmas day. But he was a trooper. And it was wonderful being with family on both days. That's the best present any girl could ask for :)