Holy Hell

Have I let myself go. A year ago, this woman would never consider leaving the house in anything but 100% put together status. Jimmy would laugh at me that I didn't need heels and make up to go to Lowe's for paint samples. I would dress the whole 9 yards, including heels every day. I did my hair and my make up before ever considering leaving the house. I even changed my pocketbook to match the current ensemble. It was just who I was. Even my jewelry would be carefully considered to compliment what I was wearing. Fast forward to the woman that sits before you now...tsk tsk. She is a hot mess. I got my hair cut by a new stylist and she butchered it. I had to go to a second new girl to have it "fixed", but now it is way short and I have cowlicks that sick up after I lay down. It's horrible. I can't tell you the last time I wore make up and jewelry is fast joining that MIA status as well. I have had the same bag with my crap in it since I got pregnant, maybe even before. Such as today, I am wearing the same dress I wore yesterday. I do have a bra on at least since I have to drop off and pick up James at school and don't think that would be appropriate should someone see me. I did shower yesterday for his Open House as well. I was doing "better" when I was working, but now that I am home every day I am such a slouth. Poor Jimmy hasn't had a put together wife in some time. Sad, really. He doesn't deserve this. I just don't have it in my to care. I just want to nap and chill whenever I have a free moment. It's horrible how lazy I have become. I am slacking on my personal hygiene, my correspondence, my household chores, EVERYTHING!! Some days I'm not even sure I recognize the woman I have become. I know I don't care for her too much ::sigh::

Still haven't found my wedding set and it makes me cry every time I think of it. Pretty please Universe...send it back to me!!

Things lost...

So Tuesday night I was so achy from not feeling well that I took my wedding set off. I swear I put it on my high kitchen counter near my phone and forgot to bring it in the bedroom. Wednesday I felt worse and didn't even think about it. So Thursday I feel a little better and go to put my ring (they are soddered together) back on and they are gone. I have looked high and low and nothing. I can not imagine where they could be. Jimmy keeps saying they are in the house and we will find them when I least expect it in the craziest place. But I keep thinking, "what if I threw them away?"...by Thursday the garage pick up had already occurred, so they would be gone. Totally and completely lost. I am absolutely devastated and so, so sad.

So I go to work after realizing about my rings. And at 11 after quite awhile of bsing with my boss, he says to me, "I have to let you go". It was so out of the blue (the statement, we have been slow and he has been stressed for awhile). I thought he might be joking or something, till I see his face and then I realize he is not. He is serious. He keeps assuring me that he loves me and this is because his accountant told him it was the only way to keep the company going through the slow winter months. I just wish he had been honest with me when his daughter started coming into "train" for my maternity leave. I was training her to take my job over. So now I am unemployed. It's crazy. Jimmy and I had been figuring out numbers and trying to figure out me staying home when baby comes. But this was not what I was expecting. But I am trying to find the silver lining. Now I get to "enjoy" some time with my pregnancy as well. And I know I will be home with Asher when he arrives. And I can get the house in order. But man, it is going to be stressful financially for awhile till we get our tax money and pay a few things off that we had planned prior to me staying home. But really I'm not upset about this. Now I can collect unemployment while I figure out what I want to do and have some time to enjoy Asher without going back to work hanging over my head.

Then I come home with my sad little personal box of belongings. I'm taking it out of the car and I notice a sticker on the back of the Land Rover that is sitting in front of our house since I was hit and stopped driving it. We have 48 hours to move it or it will be empounded. So Jimmy gets home and jumps it and starts it up. And it won't shift gears. Will not come out of park. So he crawls underneath and sees that the brake fluid is low. So he goes and gets some and replenishes it. Tries pumping the brakes to get the fluid going (I am unaware of him doing this :) and nothing. Won't come out of park. So by the end of the day we are laughing to keep from crying. So Friday I drop James off at school and call the tow truck guy I had spoken to and set up for him to get the Land Rover. I contact the garage that is taking the car and let them know he is due in an hour. So my old boss calls me and tells me that his mechanic buddy says that if you have't used the car recently the brakes can stick. To get in and pump them (now remember I didn't know that Jimmy had already done this with the fluid), so I go out and do this and BAM...it drops into gear. I am so excited and caught off guard that I jump out and check that the car is okay (tires, etc.). Then run to the garage and start moving things, fearing the whole time that it won't go back in gear when I get in again. But it does. So I call the tow truck guy and leave him a voice mail canceling him coming. As I'm shutting my garage he drives up. Thank God he didn't give me a hard time about charging me still.

So...now if I could jut find my damn rings...life would be good!!

SAHM

So Jimmy and I sat down and looked at our financial numbers. It looks like there is a very large possibilty that I might be able to be a SAHM when Asher is born. I am too terrified it won't actually happen to get excited just yet. I feel like I am struggling just to make it happen so I can stay home for 3 months for maternity leave, to really focus on after that :) But it is definately something we will continue to pursue and I am praying like mad that it happens. It is my dream since I was alittle girl and the thought that it might actually happen...WOW...

On a sad note...I took my wedding set off when my body ached from being sick and I can not find it now...I am devastated and pray that it turns up. Where could it have gone, right?

So many things...

I feel like I am a bad blogger. I just don't want to bore anyone with my everyday mundane things. And when I was so sick at the beginning just getting through the day was a challenge. Then I got so sick with broncitis. It just seems to be one thing after another that keeps me from having anything exciting to report :) Now it seems I have bunch of "things".

I had my girls weekend this past weekend. It was lovely to see them but so different being pregnant on the trip. And we had a bunch of "mishaps" while we were there to keep us on our toes. I was very proud of how we handled it all though.

Then there is the head cold I came home with or the UTI the doctor's office confirmed yesterday. I'm on antibiotics for that. Feel like crap (again!) and just want to crawl into bed. Seems to be a theme for me. But instead I am here at work...dying.

Or maybe that I am snoring so bad from the extra baby weight that Jimmy has basically moved into our nursery/spare bedroom for the time being. I hope when my head cold ends it might have some affect on it, but I don't think it will. I cried so hard last night when he told me that he could not keep going without sleep or getting up and moving rooms in the middle of the night. This is SO not what I wanted and it makes me so sad. But not sure what I can do about it.

But the most exciting thing of all...because of my anterior placenta I have not really had baby movement experiences. Which had been a huge bummer since this pregnancy is it for me. But Sunday night...Jimmy and I are sitting on the couch. I am exhausted from my trip and driving for 5 hours and all that we "experienced" that weekend. So we are just hanging out together...I missed him so much. I have my hand on my belly and I felt it...inside and out. A kick. No doubting it...it was a kick!! He did it a second time. So I took Jimmy's hand and placed it where mine had been and he felt it too. Then last night same thing. I had hoped he would get active earlier so James could feel it before bed, but he is a late night person I guess. So I have not been able to let him experience it...but I think it might happen in the near future. The little man is getting so strong!! I love it <3

Girl's Weekend

So, I leave on Thursday night for my yearly Fall Funk Fest, my yearly girls weekend. I know it's not Fall yet, but we are "borrowing" a condo from one of the girl's sister and this is when we could have it. Kind of rough since it's Florida and it's August and this year has been HOT. But I would be dying in the heat either way I guess. Thursday is going to be a long day. I get up and get James to school. Then off to work. Pick him up after work and take him home. Make sure I have everything together including the cooler of drinks and food I am bringing. Then it's a 3.5 hour drive to the airport. Pick up the girls and then drive another 45+ minutes to the condo from the airport. We should get in after midnight. I'm not sure I have that in me :) And if I'm honest I am terrified of keeping up with them the entire weekend. I am having a hard time lately being in the heat and even running basic errands with Jimmy on weekends is exhausting. I need a nap on work days. So I hope I don't drag them down. We already had to cancel going air boating because of me. But they keep saying we are going to take it easy. Lay by the pool and walk around downtown. I hope that it's not too much on me. But I know they will understand if it is...they are my girls after all. So looking forward to seeing them and catching up. I miss them when we are in our own little states. So.much.fun!!

Thought

I can feel my belly growing daily. That is all I have.