Friday, February 6, 2009

Losing steam...

So, it's my 5th month TTC. And I am having a hard time getting psyched up for this O cycle. I am running out of fun and inventive ways to seduce DH every other day for a week! And now he's if he doesn't get over it quickly...we can kiss #5 off and just wait for Cycle 6. Sigh.

Last month really ticked me off. I was put on steriod drops for my eye. The cornea specialist's attempt to try and reduce the scarring in my eye (unsuccessful!). But one of the side effects seemed to be screwing with my temps. They were all over the place so FF kept changing my O as a result and I'm not even sure when/if I did. I just know I went from 6DPO to AF, and that's not good!

I know there are millions of women dealing with this every day. I am not alone. Thebump has made that crystal clear. But that just does not change my frustration. I am at the point now where I have to decide if I should go to a RE for testing. I'm 36 and entering Cycle 6. That is where I am technically supposed to raise my hand and ask for medical assistance. But I personally am not there yet. I think I need more time, trying on our own.

My fear is that the drs. are only going to complicate things and make me more stressed, if that is humanly possible. Which will only make matters worse. Not my objective. So I think that even though they recommend someone of my advanced years should only wait 6 months, I am going to pretend I'm a younger woman and wait the year that is recommended for them.

Maybe I'm nuts. Maybe I'm hurting my chances of having a child on my own. But I just feel like I would be jumping the gun. I know I ovulate. I know that DH works (James is a wonderful daily reminder that any problems will be mine!) I think I have to stop...take a deep breathe...and give it more time. All the while cursing the idiot who decided that 35 was a magic number and after you reach become old! Sorry, I don't buy it...and you can't make me!

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