Bow Chicka Bow Wow...

Sunday is 10 DPO...my "normal" O day. So DH bettter hold onto his hat...it's going to get a whole lot nutty!!

Every day stronger...

So, I had my surgery. Tomorrow is 2 weeks. I can't believe it's been that long already. I was so out of it the first few days and then not much better for another week or so. I finally am starting to feel like a human again and considering that I might actually survive this and live on :)

DH was AMAZING. I could not say enough about how truly wonderful he was through it all. Taking care of me and James and the house. I am truly awed by him. And I keep looking at him and thinking of him carrying me to the bathroom or lifting me up for a sip of drink. I didn't think I could love him anymore, but I was wrong. And it made me want to have a baby with him even more. I am really struggling between wanting to give myself time to heal and wanting to jump his bones even though I am in the 2ww. It's been awhile with all this...and we are both feeling it.

So I have a lovely scar on my throat where they sliced me open. Jimmy keeps telling me that it took away my eternal pain so it's worth it and he's right. And honestly, I broke down in tears when Jimmy changed the bandage for the first time. There were still butterfly tape on it holding the wound together. So I couldn't really see what was and wasn't there. But I just broke down. When they removed that tape and I saw it. I didn't cry. I thought I would. I didn't. I guess that means it's better than I had feared. And what more could I ask for?

Now I just have to heal and wait for AF and then watch out DH...it's so on!!

Terrified but relieved...

I met with my nuerosurgeon on Friday and was informed that not only do I need surgery, but I need it immediately. So tomorrow I go under the knife. I have never been cut in surgery before. I had laser in my teens and that was scary enough. This time they are slicing my neck open (that should be a lovely scar :) and going in and removing my damaged vertabrae and putting a metal plate and artificial vertabrae in it's place. I am going to be down for at least a week and might not be able to go back to work for up to 2 weeks. I am terrified on so many levels. And I am vain enough to admit a big part of it is them scarring my throat. The doc said that he will try and put it in one of the natural folds in my neck. And everyone keeps telling me it's not being done in an emergency situation so they can take thier time and do it right. I'm afraid about having a metal plate in my neck. Am I going to set off the detectors wherever I go? I asked my sister that and she laughed at me, I thought it was a legitimate question. I still do :) And it's going to be a lot on Jimmy taking care of me and James. Trying to keep things "normal" for the little guy. Up in the morning, breakfast and t.v. and then off to school. My Mom is helping out picking James up and dropping him and dinner off in the evenings so the boys don't starve while I'm down. I always said I would love a week off in bed, I just didn't anticipate the throat cutting, body part removal in my day dreams. Oh well. The pain will be gone...yippee...but not necessarily the numbness. Doc doesn't think that is related, but he said right now all he can focus on is the more pressing issue of my vertabrae, then we can see what is up with the numbness if it is not a side effect of this issue. Oh yippee. Might go through all this and still have some of the problem. Doc said he realized that the numbness is the more annoying and troublesome for me. But the pain and the vertabrae pushing on my nerve for this long already is all he can worry about. He has no idea why they did the injections on me. Said that the nerve is not being pressed by swelling, which is what they would improve, but by the vertabrea, and only removing it will fix that. So here I am. Putting it in God's hands and looking for the bright spot...as soon as I'm healed, I can start TTC again. So look out DH...it's going to get crazy!!

Thankful Thursday...

I am so stoked that I got to chat with my nephew this morning through Facebook. I saw his name pop up with "how you doing?" and I just got the biggest smile. I chatted with him briefly and smiled and cried through the whole thing. I am so proud of him and I miss him so much and I am so terrified for his deployment coming any time now. He was supposed to come home first for a visit this month, but that has been cancelled. So I am not going to get to talk to him again till he's done with his service time and is home. I am so scared for him. My sister is a wreck, poor thing.

I have my appointment with the surgeon tomorrow. I am terrified that he will tell me I need surgery and terrified that he will tell me I can't have it and just have to live with the pain as it is. I am praying that he will tell me that either way it's okay for me to start TTC and that being pregnant will not change the course of anything. I really do not want to be given a second halt from a second doctor. Please?

I colored my hair a darker brown then I have ever done. Probably what my natural color would be if it weren't so gray already and I let it see the light of day. To say that Jimmy likes it would be an understatement. He keeps looking at it or touching it and telling me how much he really loves it :) I'm glad he's happy with it, I like it too and think I might keep it for awhile. How long is up in the air...DH feels it won't be long, but you never know. He asked me to never go back to blonde...I told him a true red would be the only other option. And there is plenty of time for that in the future. It's hair and it's fun to try different things!