2011

So...CD1 of 2011 = CD1 of Cycle 27...ah the irony. So we move forward. Have our IVF Seminar on the 12th. But I swear the universe is out to rub it in my face. I walk into church and my Mom has all the things that she wants to give me in a Baby gift bag. Really Mom? Then I get up to do my reading, which for the first time ever I didn't have in advance to practice, and it's all about women swollen with baby. Seriously? I had to fight to not cry while reading it in front of my whole church. I hate public emotion. Pisses me off!! Then Jimmy and I decide that we are going to get back into CSI: Miami. We watch the oldest On-Demand episode they have. It's about a pregnant woman who is injured. And one of the suspects is her best friend who has tried for 3 years to get pregnant with every possible means and is unsuccessful and jealous. Can you kick me again, pretty please? But I was a big girl. Hiked up my panties and watch the damn episode. I'm gearing up for my little sister's visit. And meeting her new twin sons. I can't wait to meet them...and I dread holding them in my arms at the same time. Will it ever be my turn?

Jimmy and I talked about adoption if our IVF cycle is not successful. I'm not sure how I feel about it. Am I setting myself up for another failure? They can take years and can be very heart breaking from what I've read. Not to mention another huge financial hit. Maybe I will take Jimmy up on his psuedo-joke and just adopt that French bulldog I have always wanted and call it a day. Maybe we will just foster children in need. Although Jimmy swears I would never be able to give them back after I've had them in my home and my heart. I just don't know where we go from here. Hold me...I'm so confused and sad.