Is it working?

So last cycle...the meds did nothing to me. I mean that they did not do anything to make/stimulate my ONE lousy egg...as well as they did not do anything to alter my mood/personality. Jimmy actually took James aside and told him that Mama might be a little cranky or emotional, and he should not take it personally. James said something along the lines of Mama is doing great, maybe she can stay on thse meds all the time!! Got to love the kid. Fast forward to this cycle. I am irritable, emotional and edgy. So I am praying like crazy that this means that it is also doing it's actual job and is working magic on my eggs!! I am so terrifed that I will go tomorrow morning for my monitoring appointment and they will tell me the same thing they told me last time. That I only have one egg and they recommend cancelling my IVF. I don't know what I'm going to do if that happens. I might go forward with the IVF anyway, because obviously that means that one is all my body can/will make any longer. But if the odds are against us, is it worth throwing all that money down the drain? And of course Jimmy isn't going to this monitoring appointment with me. My Mom and sister are instead. So I'll have to hear thier opinions rather than being able to make a decision with my husband. ::sigh:: Oh well, I will know soon enough if we are a go or we are having to make a very tough decision. So fingers crossed and prayers said...that's all I can do at this point. I have shot myself up and taken my meds like a good girl. It's in God's hands now.

The Ups and Downs

So...I went on Saturday for my first monitoring appointment. They found three follicles on my left side. 9.8, 9.6, and 10.1. My right ovary is apparently lazy, to quote the u/s tech. Explains why we were not successful last cycle. Grrr. So I call my Mom and break down in tears about how much the meds are going to cost me. I have been offered a med donation from one of the Lovelies from TTTC (who has now YEAH graduated :) but I needed to order more of the Bravelle and I needed the Ovidrel. So fast forward to lunch after church with my Mom. She hands me an envelope and all of my siblings and my Mom raised the money for my meds. I am so truly blessed. That's the ups. Now the downs. Even though this Lovely rushed right out and paid to have the package guaranteed for Monday delivery, it did not make it. And the package from the pharmacy was only sent out on Monday since they were already closed on Saturday when I finished with my RE appointment and could call to order it. So now poor Jimmy, instead of staying home and resting while sick, is driving an hour and a half each way to my RE's office to pick up another med that I am supposed to take this morning (hopefuly it will still be morning when he gets it to me). I feel horrible asking him to do it. Thanks God he loves me!! So frustrated. But it is what it is. I just hope that USPS refunds her money for not delivering it when it was supposed to be here. It is total bullshit. Total.

So now I continue taking my oral meds and injectables until Friday morning when I go for my first monitoring appointment. Fingers crossed that all three of the follicles continue to grow and are perfect little eggs. That's not too much to ask for is it? I don't think so!!

Trying to remain positive

so I spoke to the nurse at the RE's office. and I am trying to remain positive. They are going to go more aggressive in my protocol. And she is trying to work out either (a) less expensive meds options or (b) samples from the distributors for me to use. So I may be able to afford to do this IVF thing right away. Fingers crossed!! Now I just have to wait for AF to show so I can move forward with this new plan. But of course, she's taking her damn sweet time arriving. So frustrating knowing that you are not pregnant, but not having AF show up. I know it's because the progesterone is elongating my cycle. But come on already!!

BFN

That is all I have right now. No AF, but two BFNs. So devastated.

Progesterone Suppositories

Suck!! Plain and simple. I hate them. I have another week of them and I am dreading it. It's not too bad at night when I can lay down or on the weekends for the mid-day one when I can lay down. But when I have to do it in the bathroom at work and then sit down. Ouch. It hurts. I almost wish he had kept me on the PIO plan rather than cancelling that along with the IVF. Oh well...it WILL be worth it!!

IUI Complete

So we get up at 5:45 a.m. Leave at 6:40 a.m. Drive is pretty chill till two roads left to travel and then we hit stopped traffic. But luckily we are close enough that it only makes us 5 minutes late. Not bad. So we sign in and Jimmy fills out his paperwork. Brings his folder containing his dirty magazine we bought the night before for just this purpose in with him. Gets the job done, and damn well. He has improved in every category. I am so excited and he is super proud of his swimmers. I know he's been stressing about this, and it's a relief that the numbers were all super high. We leave and head over to a scary Denny's in a bad part of town. Who knew. Not us. And there was another one two exits later that was really nice. Oh well. We have some breakfast and then head over to the mall to just walk around and waste some time till I have to be back. I guess they needed time to wash and spin Jimmy's sperm. So we head back to the office at 11 for my 11:15 appointment. I go in and undress. Doctor comes in and proceeds to drop the sperm on the ground. He yells out, "It's not contaminated!" and inserts it in me. And it's done. I have been inseminated. I lay there for about 15 minutes. Get up and get dressed. Drive the 1 1/2 home. And layed down and take a 3 hour nap. I was crampy and had a stomach ache all day. But I'm feeling good today. I have to test in 12 days. Well, 11 now :) I am feeling really positive about it all...hope I can hold onto that for the next 2 weeks.

Jimmy tells me that we have to change the middle name to reflect the little ones journey to the floor before insertion. He's so silly. Splat or some such nonsense was his first suggestion. Umm...I think not...but thanks for playing.

trying to find the silver lining

So we went for our first monitoring appointment. And found out that I only have one follicle. One. Yup...the same as if I had not stuck myself in the gut twice daily for the last week. If I had not take the horrible meds that make me feel sick if I eat or not. One. So the doctor I saw (not my RE, but a very sweet doctor) suggested that we cancel our IVF. That we do an IUI instead. So that's the plan. I went for monitoring #2 this morning and still just one. One that's ready to pop. So I am going to trigger tonight and we are doing an IUI on Wednesday. Never planned on an IUI, we were leaping frogging over it...but maybe this was God's plan and he just took us the long way around to it. Who knows. The sweet doctor said that she had spoken to my RE about my case and he agreed. They felt that we would get much more agressive when we do the next IVF protocol. Not sure what that means for me. But time will tell. Or not. If the IUI works, we won't have to worry about coming up with the funds for the meds or what it is doing to my system. I already look like a drug addict with my bruises and battered veins. But as the nurse who withdrew my blood today pointed out, I am a drug addict. Never really thought about it that way, but I guess I am. Shooting myself up twice daily. Yup, guess I qualify.

So we've set up for James to go to his Nani and Pa's house on Tuesday so they can get him to school on time. Since Jimmy and I have to be at the RE's on Wednesday between 7 and 8 for his SA. Then we will do the IUI around 11. At least that is the tenative info the sweet doctor told me, but I am waiting for my call from the office with the official info. I guess they have to wait on my E2 results to make sure that it is a go.

I was devastated on Saturday. Cried the whole way home from the office. And then slept for 3 hours after. Seeing Jimmy cry (for only the second time in our relationship) did not help my emotional state at all. But I am trying to find the silver lining now and thinking positive thoughts for this procedure. It WILL work!! It just will.

GRRRRR....

So I get a call from my RE's nurse saying that they could not get the results till tomorrow. So I call the lab and am told that they have the results and they should have been faxed to them and they would fax them again. Of course the doctor's office closes early on Friday. I just put in another call to the emergency after hours answering service explaining that the results should be at the office. Hopefully the nurse is still there and can get them and tell me what the hell is going on. I know this is no big deal for the lab or the doctor's and their nurse, but it is a HUGE deal for me. I want to cry right now. I am so frustrated and upset I don't even know what to do with myself.

On top of that Jimmy's old gym charged me for another month. I called them and the manager is out of town till Thursday and apparently no one else knows anything that is going on or where the paperwork is so I can't get a refund till then. Really? You make the mistake and I have to wait a week for it to be fixed. Get your heads out of your asses people. Really!!

I can't tell you the last time I had any alcohol, but I might be having a big old glass tonight!! Or maybe I'll just drink it right out of the bottle.