trying to find the silver lining

So we went for our first monitoring appointment. And found out that I only have one follicle. One. Yup...the same as if I had not stuck myself in the gut twice daily for the last week. If I had not take the horrible meds that make me feel sick if I eat or not. One. So the doctor I saw (not my RE, but a very sweet doctor) suggested that we cancel our IVF. That we do an IUI instead. So that's the plan. I went for monitoring #2 this morning and still just one. One that's ready to pop. So I am going to trigger tonight and we are doing an IUI on Wednesday. Never planned on an IUI, we were leaping frogging over it...but maybe this was God's plan and he just took us the long way around to it. Who knows. The sweet doctor said that she had spoken to my RE about my case and he agreed. They felt that we would get much more agressive when we do the next IVF protocol. Not sure what that means for me. But time will tell. Or not. If the IUI works, we won't have to worry about coming up with the funds for the meds or what it is doing to my system. I already look like a drug addict with my bruises and battered veins. But as the nurse who withdrew my blood today pointed out, I am a drug addict. Never really thought about it that way, but I guess I am. Shooting myself up twice daily. Yup, guess I qualify.

So we've set up for James to go to his Nani and Pa's house on Tuesday so they can get him to school on time. Since Jimmy and I have to be at the RE's on Wednesday between 7 and 8 for his SA. Then we will do the IUI around 11. At least that is the tenative info the sweet doctor told me, but I am waiting for my call from the office with the official info. I guess they have to wait on my E2 results to make sure that it is a go.

I was devastated on Saturday. Cried the whole way home from the office. And then slept for 3 hours after. Seeing Jimmy cry (for only the second time in our relationship) did not help my emotional state at all. But I am trying to find the silver lining now and thinking positive thoughts for this procedure. It WILL work!! It just will.