Clearblue Easy OPKs

That's my new try. I tried the cheapie ones that Heather sent me and never got a true positive. So I got frustrated with them. Then MSC sent me her OV watch, but it can't read me. So I got really frustrated. But I have decided to continue trying rather than just throwing my hands up. So I am trying Clearblue Easy digital OPKs. I used it for the first time this morning. CD9 and got an open circle. Meaning negative. Which I expected. What I pray for and continue to remain optomistic about is some day getting a smiley face and knowing that it worked for me. That would be so exciting in itself :)

I had an amazing weekend with Jimmy. I think having that time just us two and having so much fun with him has made me a little less afraid of that being our future. Not having any more children then James won't be the end of the world. If we don't get pregnant. If we are too old to adopt. If we decide against fostering. I would be okay with just us. Just the three of us as a family....I can be happy with that. I can find joy without pregnancy or a baby of my own. I can love the life that has been put before me. I can and I will!!

So on that note. I have canceled my RE appointment and I am going to focus on the family that we already have and making that the best it can be. And when the time is righ I'll know it and I won't be hemming and hawing daily about it. I'll know and I'll do what I have to do and we'll see where it takes us at that time. I must be at peace with my decision as my eczyme has started going away. A good sign...a good sign indeed :) As good as the smiley face sign? Hmm...interesting question...