umm...

I'm not even sure what to say. How to start. I guess I just say it. I had a miscarriage. My baby is gone. I was 4 weeks 5 days pregnant and I got to know it for 2 days. 2 days. I got to wake up one morning knowing that there was a baby there before there was no longer a baby there. I was going to tell Jimmy with a cute Knocked Up shirt I ordered forever ago. Instead I got to tell him while I was sweating and shaking on the bathroom floor. I guess I should say that Jimmy had left for work and I started cramping so bad it doubled me over. So I went to the bathroom, thinking I had to go to the bathroom. I sat there thinking I was going to die. I tried standing up and that was not successful so I fell to the ground. I started breaking out in a sweat and shaking. I didn't want to involve him, but I had no choice. So I started yelling out to James who was in watching t.v. waiting to leave for school. So I yelled a few times and he finally heard me. Came to the bedroom and asked me if I had called him. I asked him if he could bring me my phone. As I had sweat dripping off my face he asked me if I had just gotten out of the shower. I was trying to not upset or scare him so I said that I had and asked him again if he could bring me my phone. He asked me why I was sitting on the ground next to the toilet. I told him that I just needed a breather and could he bring me my phone. He asked me if I did that every time. I explained that it was just some times and could he bring me my phone please? So finally he runs to get it and then goes back to the t.v. I call Jimmy and ask him to come back. I tell him that I am sick and need him to take James to school. So he says he'll be back shortly.

I hear him come in but he's chatting with James. I'm screaming HONEY and nothing. I try getting up and I finally hear him coming into the bedroom. So here is the horrible moment I have to tell him that I got a positive pregnancy test, but I think I'm losing the baby. He lies me in bed and takes James to school. The rest of the day was doctor's appointments, internal ultrasounds, several locations to get blood work done. The one test, so they knew my blood type in case I hemorredged and required a blood transfusion was not done at all the offices.

Then I was supposed to get the second Beta test to see if it was a miscarriage or an eptopic pregnancy was supposed to be done at the hospital as the doctor's office said they would be open on Sunday, 48 hours after the first test. So after dropping James off at my ILs and having to tell them why...we get there to be told that thier lab is not open on Sunday. This after I have to walk through the Birthing Center as they share the same door. It all sucked.

Saturday night I went to bed around 11:30 and got up on Sunday morning at 11:48. I was "up" twice before that. But fell right back to sleep and slept until then. I guess I needed it. Jimmy was the sweetest thing ever through it all. Putting up with my insanity and mood swings and tears. He was strong and supportive and sweet. And I love him even more for it. I know it was hard for him too. But he was there for me as he knew I needed it. We did some therapy shopping for the house and he brought me for frequent sundaes at Friendly's. I wasn't always friendly myself. But he brought out my smile as often as he could find it. I swear everything this weekend was pregnant woman and babies. Even Star Trek...really?