Back?

So...I changed the name of my blog.  A Womb Thought seems kind of irrelevent now that I will not be focusing on getting pregnant and instead on my life with two crazy kids and one wonderful but nutty husband.  Not to mention my new and terrifying exploration into MS and what it's going to mean for me and my family.

I am hoping that this is the beginning of me being back.  Me finding my voice again.  I have been so focused on Asher and James and keeping up with my new role as SAHM(and W) that I haven't really focused on me much.  Other than my lovely medical visits...I haven't had much me time in the last 14 months.  I'm not complaining...not by any stretch.  I am loving it (almost always :) and would not trade it for anything.  I love hanging with my little man all day.  Even if I have to care for another little boy to help out financially and that limits my activities with Asher (and James when he's not in school).  It's everything I always hoped it would be to be a Mom and wife.

Let's see.  Life has changed quite a bit since my last entry.  Jimmy's office closed their doors and so he transferred to a different office and we moved.  Went into a hellish townhouse rental for 4 months while we house hunted and waiting on the closing.  It was horrible.  I wasn't sure we were going to survive it.  But we did.  Moved into our amazing house.  It has so much space after the townhouse.  It's tri-level and since we have it baby proofed, Asher can stretch out his new running legs and explore our first floor (and select rooms on the second floor when necessary) without issue.  He is his old happy baby self again.  James is no longer hibranating in his room with video games.  We get to see his beautiful face in the evening for alittle chatting and/or t.v.  Maybe a board game or two <3 24="" a="" actually="" all="" always="" am="" amazing.="" and="" area="" back.="" being="" children="" comes="" for="" from="" has="" he="" here="" his="" home="" i="" in="" insane.="" is="" it.="" it="" jimmy="" living="" love="" making="" me.="" me="" nbsp="" new="" our="" p="" perfect.="" place="" reality="" s="" says="" thank="" that="" the="" wanted="" was="" what="" when="" wife="" with="" wonderful="" work="">
And now that things are slowing down on the moving front, I need to start doing some more indepth fact gathing on this whole MS thing.  With it coming right in the midsts of my TTTC it has really gotten pushed to the back burner.  And that is not smart and no longer possible.  My nuero felt it was okay to not start meds till I was done with my pregnancy and breast feeding.  Well the breast feeding didn't happen, but the meds we decided on are still trying to be released in the U.S.  They have been around and utlized in Europe for years, but are waiting on FDA approval.  So I go back in May (again!) for another attemp at starting them.  I also talked to Jimmy about going to a MS for Dummies seminar that my nuero runs.  Find out exactly what this disease is all about.  I know that it's something that is a completely different experience for every patient.  That no two diagnosis will ever be the same.  But some rough idea of what we can expect and such might be smart.

I've been lucky (if you can say I've been diagnosed with MS and I've been lucky in the same statement :) in that when you normally go through your toughest part of MS, being diagnosed and founding out you have this horrible disease that is reeking havoc on your body.  It didn't go like that for me.  In my mid-20s I woke up one morning and had double vision.  Went to the hospital and saw several nueros.  Had all kinds of MRIs and CAT scans and met with an optical nuerologist.  No one could figure out what was going on.  A stroke was mentioned.  A palsy.  But a definative answer...no.  After about 30 days I got my vision back.  A few years back I spiked a high fever and then was having trouble with my vision.  Went to a doctor and was diagnosed with pink eye.  Took meds and it got worse.  Was diagnosed with another eye infection and meds were changed.  Continued to get worse.  It got so bad that it permanently scarred my cornea.  Never got a diagnosis.  Just treated the scarring and got rid of the infection.

It's scarey to think that so far two of my biggest flare ups for MS have been visionary based.  I really hope that I'm not going to lose my sight in the future.  I would hate that!!  Ugh.  Can't anticipate the worst I guess.  Need to focus on the positive and the here and now.

Anyway.  My point is that even though I had flare ups and issues from the disease, I never knew I had it.  I was misdiagnosed or not diagnosed any time I had my major flare ups.  I was also raised my a woman who did not believe in doctors.  So we didn't go unless something was falling off.  So I thougth everyone had numbness and tingling and stomach pains and draggy leg.  I thought they were normal things.  What did I know?  So when I found out I had MS, I had already been living with it for 18 or so years.  So it was easy to push it aside and focus on the more important fertiltiy issues we were having at the time.  I wasn't even having a flare up when I was diagnosed.  I found out on a fluke following a car accident and having my neck/back fusion checked.

And I guess my point is that I need to focus on it more now so that I can continue to say that I have MS and I'm lucky together in the same sentence.  Of course this focus has to fall during nap time because that's the only time I'm not Mama or Honey...doing my job.

WOW...

I can't believe that my last post was while I was still in second trimester. But I guess third is when things started to get a little nutty. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and they could not get my numbers under control. So I was seeing an endocrinologist in addition to my doctors already on the docket :) I was seeing her twice a week in the beginning as well as non-stress tests for my OB twice a week at that point. I felt like I lived at the docter's office and it was consuming my life! I think I had not been let go from my job I would have had to take time off or something to make it work even time wise. It was insane. Add in James starting school again and forget it.

So I was scheduled for induction on December 5th. 39 weeks. I was set to go into the hospital on Sunday (the 4th) evening to start meds to soften my cervix with induction first thing Monday morning. At around 9 a.m. on the 4th I went into labor on my own. I was in labor all day and we finally decided that we should head over before our scheduled arrival time. I was in labor for 10 hours. It got pretty intense and I guess I was progressing extremely quickly. So the nurse is asking me all these registration questions and I can barely see straight. I have already told Jimmy (I don't rememer this <3) to not touch or speak to me at this point. I am not sure I can do this and they say I am not far enough along to get an epidural. But she was too busy with the questions to check me and realize that I have gone from 4 to 8 in less than an hour. Until my water broke and then she was forced to acknowledge I was moving along and check me and get the epidural going that I should have recieved much earlier.

I'm pushing and pushing and nothing is happening. I'm not feeling the pressure they say I should and even though they see him come down into the birth canal he is bungeeing right back up and out of view as soon as I stop. So finallly the doctor says that we can continue pushing and maybe something will change, but she recommends cutting and running. So we go in for c-section. After he is born I over hear the doctor and nurses talking and they said thank God we went in when we did. He ear was caught on the embilical cord and he would have probably never dropped down naturally.

During the end of my pregnancy I was still all belly, but baby was measuring big. Very big. They believe from the diabetes. It slowed down once the meds were started, but he was already measuring quite large. There was talk of planned c-section because they were afraid he would be too large for a vaginal delivery. Then it looked like he would be just under the contol line on size and it was decided I would try natural first. So when we has born I was truly shocked to hear that he only weighed 6 lbs. 12 oz. By the time we left the hospital (thanks in part to me never getting my milk in...so very sad about that) he was down to 6 lbs. 3 oz. My little cashew. Our take home outfit had to be traded out as he would have been swimming in it. Too funny.

So...he's 2.5 months old now and I am more and more in love with him every day. I will write more but I need to shove some food in my mouth before he wakes up and I miss my window...but he is a photo for your viewing pleasure of the new love in my life...

26 Weeks

How far along? Week 26 :)

Next appointment? I have my OB on the 19th and my next u/s on the 21st...can't wait to see his gorgeous face again. And they say at this point his face is as it will look at birth...hope I get a good look at it!

Weight gain? I have gained 12 lbs. last weigh in from my pregnancy. But I had already gained almost 30 from the fertility meds...so...

Stretch marks? Not a one yet...keep it up skin!!

Sleep? Same as it's been. I pee around 3 - 4 times a night...but fall right back to sleep thank God

Best moment this week? I still love feeling him kick and just sitting and watching my stomach move from him exploring his space. It amazes me every time!! James and Jimmy have both gotten to experience it as well.

Food cravings? I still have not had a single craving...does that make me totally strange?

Odd pregnancy moment? Hmm...

Gender? We are having an absolutely perfect little boy...Asher Robert <3

Belly button...in or out? Still in...shallow, but definately in

Movement? All the time now and I could not love anything more!!

What I miss? I miss sushi...I've had psuedo-sushi made for me at our favorite resturant, but I miss all the fun stuff, and even the weak ones we haven't done in awhile. Stupid lay off + frugal husband = no eating out :)

What I'm looking forward to? My u/s on the 21st...I can NOT wait to see him again. He should be around 3 lbs. then, triple what he was the last time. Amazing.

Weekley wisdom: Sorry...I got nothing.

Milestone: We have passed viability and are down to double digit days left (98)...not to mention 3rd trimester right around the corner (next week).

Holy Hell

Have I let myself go. A year ago, this woman would never consider leaving the house in anything but 100% put together status. Jimmy would laugh at me that I didn't need heels and make up to go to Lowe's for paint samples. I would dress the whole 9 yards, including heels every day. I did my hair and my make up before ever considering leaving the house. I even changed my pocketbook to match the current ensemble. It was just who I was. Even my jewelry would be carefully considered to compliment what I was wearing. Fast forward to the woman that sits before you now...tsk tsk. She is a hot mess. I got my hair cut by a new stylist and she butchered it. I had to go to a second new girl to have it "fixed", but now it is way short and I have cowlicks that sick up after I lay down. It's horrible. I can't tell you the last time I wore make up and jewelry is fast joining that MIA status as well. I have had the same bag with my crap in it since I got pregnant, maybe even before. Such as today, I am wearing the same dress I wore yesterday. I do have a bra on at least since I have to drop off and pick up James at school and don't think that would be appropriate should someone see me. I did shower yesterday for his Open House as well. I was doing "better" when I was working, but now that I am home every day I am such a slouth. Poor Jimmy hasn't had a put together wife in some time. Sad, really. He doesn't deserve this. I just don't have it in my to care. I just want to nap and chill whenever I have a free moment. It's horrible how lazy I have become. I am slacking on my personal hygiene, my correspondence, my household chores, EVERYTHING!! Some days I'm not even sure I recognize the woman I have become. I know I don't care for her too much ::sigh::

Still haven't found my wedding set and it makes me cry every time I think of it. Pretty please Universe...send it back to me!!

Things lost...

So Tuesday night I was so achy from not feeling well that I took my wedding set off. I swear I put it on my high kitchen counter near my phone and forgot to bring it in the bedroom. Wednesday I felt worse and didn't even think about it. So Thursday I feel a little better and go to put my ring (they are soddered together) back on and they are gone. I have looked high and low and nothing. I can not imagine where they could be. Jimmy keeps saying they are in the house and we will find them when I least expect it in the craziest place. But I keep thinking, "what if I threw them away?"...by Thursday the garage pick up had already occurred, so they would be gone. Totally and completely lost. I am absolutely devastated and so, so sad.

So I go to work after realizing about my rings. And at 11 after quite awhile of bsing with my boss, he says to me, "I have to let you go". It was so out of the blue (the statement, we have been slow and he has been stressed for awhile). I thought he might be joking or something, till I see his face and then I realize he is not. He is serious. He keeps assuring me that he loves me and this is because his accountant told him it was the only way to keep the company going through the slow winter months. I just wish he had been honest with me when his daughter started coming into "train" for my maternity leave. I was training her to take my job over. So now I am unemployed. It's crazy. Jimmy and I had been figuring out numbers and trying to figure out me staying home when baby comes. But this was not what I was expecting. But I am trying to find the silver lining. Now I get to "enjoy" some time with my pregnancy as well. And I know I will be home with Asher when he arrives. And I can get the house in order. But man, it is going to be stressful financially for awhile till we get our tax money and pay a few things off that we had planned prior to me staying home. But really I'm not upset about this. Now I can collect unemployment while I figure out what I want to do and have some time to enjoy Asher without going back to work hanging over my head.

Then I come home with my sad little personal box of belongings. I'm taking it out of the car and I notice a sticker on the back of the Land Rover that is sitting in front of our house since I was hit and stopped driving it. We have 48 hours to move it or it will be empounded. So Jimmy gets home and jumps it and starts it up. And it won't shift gears. Will not come out of park. So he crawls underneath and sees that the brake fluid is low. So he goes and gets some and replenishes it. Tries pumping the brakes to get the fluid going (I am unaware of him doing this :) and nothing. Won't come out of park. So by the end of the day we are laughing to keep from crying. So Friday I drop James off at school and call the tow truck guy I had spoken to and set up for him to get the Land Rover. I contact the garage that is taking the car and let them know he is due in an hour. So my old boss calls me and tells me that his mechanic buddy says that if you have't used the car recently the brakes can stick. To get in and pump them (now remember I didn't know that Jimmy had already done this with the fluid), so I go out and do this and BAM...it drops into gear. I am so excited and caught off guard that I jump out and check that the car is okay (tires, etc.). Then run to the garage and start moving things, fearing the whole time that it won't go back in gear when I get in again. But it does. So I call the tow truck guy and leave him a voice mail canceling him coming. As I'm shutting my garage he drives up. Thank God he didn't give me a hard time about charging me still.

So...now if I could jut find my damn rings...life would be good!!

SAHM

So Jimmy and I sat down and looked at our financial numbers. It looks like there is a very large possibilty that I might be able to be a SAHM when Asher is born. I am too terrified it won't actually happen to get excited just yet. I feel like I am struggling just to make it happen so I can stay home for 3 months for maternity leave, to really focus on after that :) But it is definately something we will continue to pursue and I am praying like mad that it happens. It is my dream since I was alittle girl and the thought that it might actually happen...WOW...

On a sad note...I took my wedding set off when my body ached from being sick and I can not find it now...I am devastated and pray that it turns up. Where could it have gone, right?

So many things...

I feel like I am a bad blogger. I just don't want to bore anyone with my everyday mundane things. And when I was so sick at the beginning just getting through the day was a challenge. Then I got so sick with broncitis. It just seems to be one thing after another that keeps me from having anything exciting to report :) Now it seems I have bunch of "things".

I had my girls weekend this past weekend. It was lovely to see them but so different being pregnant on the trip. And we had a bunch of "mishaps" while we were there to keep us on our toes. I was very proud of how we handled it all though.

Then there is the head cold I came home with or the UTI the doctor's office confirmed yesterday. I'm on antibiotics for that. Feel like crap (again!) and just want to crawl into bed. Seems to be a theme for me. But instead I am here at work...dying.

Or maybe that I am snoring so bad from the extra baby weight that Jimmy has basically moved into our nursery/spare bedroom for the time being. I hope when my head cold ends it might have some affect on it, but I don't think it will. I cried so hard last night when he told me that he could not keep going without sleep or getting up and moving rooms in the middle of the night. This is SO not what I wanted and it makes me so sad. But not sure what I can do about it.

But the most exciting thing of all...because of my anterior placenta I have not really had baby movement experiences. Which had been a huge bummer since this pregnancy is it for me. But Sunday night...Jimmy and I are sitting on the couch. I am exhausted from my trip and driving for 5 hours and all that we "experienced" that weekend. So we are just hanging out together...I missed him so much. I have my hand on my belly and I felt it...inside and out. A kick. No doubting it...it was a kick!! He did it a second time. So I took Jimmy's hand and placed it where mine had been and he felt it too. Then last night same thing. I had hoped he would get active earlier so James could feel it before bed, but he is a late night person I guess. So I have not been able to let him experience it...but I think it might happen in the near future. The little man is getting so strong!! I love it <3

Girl's Weekend

So, I leave on Thursday night for my yearly Fall Funk Fest, my yearly girls weekend. I know it's not Fall yet, but we are "borrowing" a condo from one of the girl's sister and this is when we could have it. Kind of rough since it's Florida and it's August and this year has been HOT. But I would be dying in the heat either way I guess. Thursday is going to be a long day. I get up and get James to school. Then off to work. Pick him up after work and take him home. Make sure I have everything together including the cooler of drinks and food I am bringing. Then it's a 3.5 hour drive to the airport. Pick up the girls and then drive another 45+ minutes to the condo from the airport. We should get in after midnight. I'm not sure I have that in me :) And if I'm honest I am terrified of keeping up with them the entire weekend. I am having a hard time lately being in the heat and even running basic errands with Jimmy on weekends is exhausting. I need a nap on work days. So I hope I don't drag them down. We already had to cancel going air boating because of me. But they keep saying we are going to take it easy. Lay by the pool and walk around downtown. I hope that it's not too much on me. But I know they will understand if it is...they are my girls after all. So looking forward to seeing them and catching up. I miss them when we are in our own little states. So.much.fun!!